I forgive myself for being angry at MYSELF.

I see that I have been having back chat anger at others and myself. Though I did not see it as anger until this afternoon as I just sat in bed feeling defeated by everything. I was in despair and then I saw that I had not forgiven myself for being angry at me.
All the projections of anger at others and the world – the way it is as unjust and unfair I have had my whole life. But I am seeing that it is me that has to change these accepted and allowed believe within myself. The true anger is at Me. The anger that I believed I am not good enough in the eyes of others where I will have back chat constantly arguing with people in my mind! Mostly defending myself for some opinion/point of view, or many different things.
I have not forgiven myself that I am a fuck up- that I am part of this mess. I actually think that I should be more superior than others and this is the secret anger I have at myself- that I am really not superior to anything! Lol So I have been secretly tying to find a way to be superior in my mind. The mind looking at ways to think to make me special. Then I know I am doing this and then I go into self pity at my lack of standing up to this- when what it really is – is that I have not forgive myself for being angry at ME. At judging me, at comparing ME. To something I perceive that I should be greater to or equal to something I perceive as superior
I FORGIVE MYSELF!- I am not perfect- I forgive myself for thinking that I have to be that- even to the point of thinking I should not think that! Lol fuck man.
Forgiving myself on believes I thought I had to be. I am doing this first without the statement that I have accepted and allowed because I am still blaming me because I am accepting and allowing it. So I am just going to forgive myself for not being what I thought I should be.
I forgive myself for not being perfect
I forgive myself for being mediocre
I forgive myself for not being beautiful and handsome looking
I forgive myself that I am addicted to energy thoughts of good and bad
I forgive myself that I am not standing up to the mind
I forgive myself that I am not perfect and I forgive myself that I think I want to be perfect thus causing me great misery.
I forgive myself that I am accepted and allowing myself to think I need to be better than others
I forgive myself that I think that there is some kind of spiritual reward for being better than others in thought.
I forgive myself for being angry at Me for not being perfect.
I AM DONE With this Self Anger!
Within the anger I go into self pity that I am not doing “it” right.
Doing what right?
Fucking everything.
Lol
I forgive myself for wanting to be a super human.
I forgive myself for comparing and judging myself to an idea of a super human.
These are all the thing I have “admired” in another and believed “qualities” I did not have.
Thus constant comparison to others as how I “should” be.
Thus never living HERE in and as the Physical- but always in judgment in my mind.
I forgive myself for wanting to be better than others
I let go of ALL these judgments against myself and others.
I am tired of wanting to be right and better and not living with ME.
I am tired of always thinking I need to fulfill some imaginary dream of better as constant self judgment.
I am tired of judging myself for not doing something good enough thus causing fear to do that thing.
I want to enjoy the process of ME I want to trust. I want to Live.
I want to stop looking to others to tell me what to do in fear that I need others to tell me what to do. In fear that I am not alive – not here. Not good enough to know what to do.
I want to trust ME- I want to Love Me without comparison. In loving me I mean Love Life as We are the vehicle of Life. I want to Love Life as I would wish to be loved. Love thy neighbor as Life- Animals, planet, people.
I forgive myself that I am angry at me- I forgive myself in humbleness of the belief of better than

Acts of spite Original Sin

From Desteni Forum

Adam
Eve
The Snake
The Fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil
who spite who?

Who will not see inspite of what this fruit foretell?
Acts of spite -- what have we done to ourselves?

-----------------------
Within this 'context' of the Snake, Adam and Eve - the Snake represent the Spite already existent as/in Adam and Eve - wherein Adam and Eve eat the fruit, taken from the Snake to deliberately, within that act of taking and eating the fruit, attempt to/try to 'Spite God' - because he said: 'Not to eat from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil'.

Wherein his demand is deliberately reprimanded within/as Spite within the statement of spite as: "I will do this - you can't/won't tell me what to do. I want to, so I will. Don't you tell me what to do." - wherein, acting upon this statement of spite - the nature of the act is done within the expression of 'the attempt to' 'prove something to someone, as in 'showing-off' within the starting-point of wanting to establish themselves as being 'of power' / 'of superiority'.
Or even to attempt to 'gain a sense of individuality' wherein the individuality is based on the self-definition of "doing what I want in spite of another to spite the other so that I can give myself the power/control/superiority to do this within the justification that it is 'my right' / 'freewill' / 'free-choice' to do this'.

Thus, in looking at 'free-choice' / 'choice' / 'freewill' - it's a disguise of the actuality as the act that is being practiced, which is actually, really done in deliberate spite to/towards someone/something - whether it be a being/idea/belief - and 'free-choice' / 'choice' / 'freewill' is used to justify the act of/as spite within the light of self-interest to make what self is doing/acting within/as 'Right for self and self alone'.

So - Adam and Eve believing that they're acting in Spite towards 'God' - wherein what happen to Adam and Eve, simply prove that self always only spite self. 'God' didn't have anything to do with consequences that ensued due to their deliberate act of spitefulness within eating the fruit - the Snake didn't have anything to do with the consequences nor the initial act of eating the fruit = they acted upon it, accepted and allowed it = and thus accordingly experienced their own consequences they created - wherein they'll have actual events/manifested experiences that'll show/reveal/reflect to them what they are/have become as spite.

The snake also in-turn acting within/as spite - deliberately spiting 'God' and spiting Adam and Eve - the snake spiting God in the attempt to 'ruin/infect' 'his creation' as Adam and Eve and within 'succeeding' to do so through Adam and Eve becoming the spite the snake acted within/as towards them - the snake experience a moment of 'power/superiority' - and then ofcourse, the consequence = only spiting itself.
The snake acting also within deliberate spite to/towards Adam and Eve - as the snake knew there'd be consequences for Adam and Eve, but to deliberately spite them - acting in spite through presenting 'that to them which it knew would be of great demise to them' - to within that - gain a sense of pleasure within power/control through manipulating them to take that which would harm them - that in harming them, and them experiencing the harm - it has a sense of 'god-hood'-experience over and of them - believing that it (the snake) is the creator of their experience = when they, Adam and Eve themselves created their own experience = and so that snake also.

So - within this Analogy:

The Tree represent the Mind, the fruit the Thoughts as manifested-designs of knowledge and information.
The Snake represent the Voices in the Head as you as Mind-created Personality as your own conscience of Mind = speak to yourself.
'God' - representing 'who you are', so to speak.

What the 'story of Adam and Eve' reveal within the context of Spitefulness as our current accepted and allowed nature within which we exist as spitefulness - is, that = if you look at yourself in relationship to your world/others - everything that is done = is done within deliberate spitefulness as 'blame' - blaming God/Life for yourself and what you experience -directing that blame unto others - and thus existing within a self-created existence of Spitefulness as the very definition of/as self within the belief that all that you're doing/saying/being is done to spite life/god or whatever/whoever you blame for your experience of you within and without = when in fact, you're only always spiting yourself.

So, therefore - one can't blame the Mind, the voices in the head, god/life or others for experiences within self/one's world - as its all self-created through deliberate spite within the design of 'winning' as self-interest of survival to always want to be 'more'/'better than' others to defend one's ego of believed individuality through deliberately harming others to get one's way - and self is accepting/allowing self to participate in it.

MyKey