Yesterday Sept 10
High day(for lack of better word)
High day seems to mean when I have alot of energy, I post alot on the forums etc,
I talk alot, I want to express through words what I am thinking.
It seems if I do not get out my thoughts now, they drive me crazy
It also feels good to tell people what I know on the forum.... thou It might be an
ego booster, yet that always comes after the fact, atm I feel good to express because I
use to suppress it so much. I was afraid to voice myself as I feared judgment.
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To day Sept 11
I feel sluggish and I am wanting to be quite, yet the mind keeps spinning and wont let me
rest. Could be the coffee...but I dont know as I have been able to rest with coffee as well
hmm is that a lie? I will see, I will slow down on the coffee
Luke is BARKING AGAIN as always everyday. ALL DAY most days....
So yesterday I was agitated all day, I was unconfortable in the body,
It may of been from reading Bs links to the horrors going on and that I get upset when
he posts them
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sept 12
I woke up feeling better, happer, I had a message that I was being conserned, thus
indulging in thoughts, thou I knew this yesterday, I could not stop.
Just talked to rob, and he said when those days come up where you are agitaded, accept
it as life atm. Do not blame or judge and feel the body. Ego Claims and blames
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Bits from Jacks article on Desteni
Practically to assist yourself with what I have written I would suggest taking your
physical suppressed manifestations and writing them down. Clearly without judgement
and with absolute frankness write down all that you are able to relate to, regarding what
I have mentioned. Then honestly do forgiveness on how you have suppressed yourself
and how you've allowed the physicality's to manifest. Then after doing extensive
forgiveness until you stand clear on all issues (which might take time and more honesty)
apply yourself practically. By this I am speaking about seeing what you have allowed and
then applying what the truth and solutions are. Other than that, do guided meditations if
you work with dimensional beings, clearly stating that you're assisting yourself with the
release of physical suppressions. Don't allow the mind to tell you you're fine or that your
‘issues' will just go away. Realise only you are able to assist yourself and that your
assistance from the dimensions is exactly that, assistance. We're not going to do the
work for you, but we are here to assist and to work beside you all the way. Here is an
example of how to work through suppressions using forgiveness and practical application
once understanding is reached.
Let's say you are able to relate to weight gain around your hips and stomach area. Now
you're asking yourself, what is necessary for me to look at so that I am able to do
forgiveness. You look at your age and how you have participated from childhood to these
fears. Look at the stomach from the perspective of fear linked to the past, future and
present. How since your childhood have you linked these fears to events and memories.
Write it all down do the same with the hips, perhaps on a separate page as you'll be doing the corrections separately.
With regards to your hips, how far have you allowed yourself to lose your own worth? Are
you worthy due to other's views of you? Are you worthy due to your placement of
yourself or your career? So again trace these allowances of worth right back to your
childhood. Now link people to each event for example: Who in my life has ever made me
feel worthy of something and what was the worth. Then look at how currently you allow
both with the hips and your stomach, the influences to still exist within your decision
making today. What people represent certain points and how have you participated?
Arms that become saggy are of course how much weight you are willing to carry . The
bourdon of life as seen carried by so many ‘middle' aged woman. We are so busy caring
about things outside ourselves that we are constantly burdened. Perhaps the greatest
burden is the ‘knowing' that outside oneself you will always find somebody to compare
yourself to or to live up to
Then you do forgiveness extensively until you start understanding the information, not
just sitting with it on a piece of paper. Remember also that your resistances are where
your mind doesn't want to release. So when you're thinking, 'stupid exercise' or 'no that's
not right I wouldn't have allowed that' then you know that you have reached a point of
resistance. Then you write that down too and unconditionally do forgiveness, remember
within assisting yourself what harm is able to be done by just writing down everything
unconditionally and doing forgiveness on it? Also remember that the most important part
is to realise that practically forgiveness is effective when you don't allow what you've
created to keep repeating itself. Just by speaking forgiveness it is not able to make
everything right, you have to actually make changes for the situations and allowances to
stop. Forgiveness assists with guilt and remorse that prevents us from even working with
the issue for a start. People have the tendency to not forgive themselves for something,
by this they are not then allowing themselves to ‘deal' with the issue, no release is
possible.
--------------------------------
Sept 13
I notice that I am always comparing me self to others, this is really hard to stop!
I drop ALL COPMPARISONS NOW
Comparing
another anilizing
so
to Keep
evoltutioning yourself
I copied SF to Word Unter Sept 13
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The SF on comparition was cool and extensive
Those I am thinking of SA alot and am "trying" to anticpate what
my experiance will be there
So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to
make me feel better by justifiy how I will be in SA
I forgive myself for projecting into the future what my experiance in SA will
be like instead of being stabel here Now.
when I share something.
I am still looking at comparison.
I want to see me through what other write, possible to my post.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and judged myself when I post, I think others will
judge it as me “trying to be the good girl” !
OH SHIT that is exactly how I am judging myself, as being the good girl, and fearful that
others will be intimidated by me as I have been intimidated by other who I perceive as
doing well.
Again!! Self judgment of MEEEE! Geeee will I ever get over this??
YES I WILL…
Sept 14
Woke up cool today started posting on forum write away
The SF on comparison has helped with the self judgment. I also yesterday wrote on open
forum about it becoming a game for me to convince and convert, and by writing it
I got to see it as I was still having a reaction to people that I have posted to.
It is 5:30 now
And I posted a bunch on the forum. Am I wanting to prove my point? Am i wasting my
time with the ones who do not like self forgivenss? I dont know.. Am I standing up?
I think so! I am not letting the bull shit go without saying something
Do I feel good about myself? Yes I do in away as I can not sit back anymore,,,That is all
that I have done my whole life! And we finally have an answer..Thou to remember that I
am doing this for myself.
From jack dead mans diary
Take desire, want and need out of our every day lives…. well just for a moment imagine
how you would fit into this world. Nothing would matter to you
Sept 16th
I seemed to miss a day in here?? What happened to the 15th?
Ahh yesterday was constiant frusteration feeling... like I was not doing enough
I could not watch TV, I got irritated at the commericals and I did not do
the one hour of silance..So I went to bed earlly and slept for 9 hours.
Today so far I feel good ..why?? I dont know! I just do.
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Another fear of posting Kids standing up on Myspace
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have resistance to promting
the Kids forum
What are my fears with this?
That I wonted be able to handle it.
That I wont be able to deal with people that might come on to just fuck around.
That it is a resonsiably that I feel that I might need to control it and fear that I wont.
Fear of being jugeded by others that know me on myspace and think what I am doing is stupid in there eyes.
Fear to be honest to others that are not on the D forums
oh boy
Fear that if questions are asked that I will not know how to answer them suficantly
Fuck I am in a comfort zone....
Fear of sepping out of the comfort zone
Okay talking about future tripping!
All these things coming up just to make that one move.
I have to do it
Face myself
Shit this is just as hard as when I freaked about starting a blog
I am going to do it!
Fuck you mind, freak out if you want we are going to do this no matter how much you try to make me think it will hurt!
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get in fear about this
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this fear and thus causeing resistance
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually have feelings of embarriment to expose myself and self honesty to others not on the forums
Hell I dont know what I am afraid of this for, I have done it already. I have posted my blog and vids on myspace...
Thou I have not offered a forum before..
Where I will have to be direct and careful not to composice myself by wanting to "please" others..
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can not stand up in the face of others not on the forums
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not reallly be self honest if I can not do this
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get comfortable before I can be self honest and in that I am lieing to myself..
I forgive myself that I have let the mind take me on its fear trip instead of being HERE
As none of this is true, and is a programed mind response that I can either accepted and allowed or stop.
hmm
I see the mind is going to fear this no matter what so I will just do it and work with the fears as they come up.
gee seems so silly...
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