Noticing the “I want to do” this and not that…
And when I am doing something I don’t want to do I create stress and the body is letting me know it.
It is another form of separation and not being HERE, not being as breath in the moment. I have been using time as an excuse to get into stress, as I am always judging what I am doing against the time I “think” I have. I am making a big deal with time thinking it is real and letting the idea of time direct me, instead of being Present Here with what ever I am doing. I am missing the moment by believing in time.
I forgive myself that I look at the clock to decided how I will run my day.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by my idea of time.
I forgive myself that instead of being HERE – Presant in the moment I am always thinking ahead of what I want to do or needs to be done, thus Not HERE NOW.
I forgive myself that I have judged myself because of my believe of “time”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by the thought of I don’t have enough time to do this or that and then I get into stress and self judgement.
I forgive myself that I have been living a life directed by the idea of time thus rushing or judging myself as not enough time.
I forgive myself that I have believed that I am TIME. Meaning there is a beginning and an end thus judging myself according to that.
I forgive myself that I list all the things I have to do and put in into a “time table” and run my life from the time table instead of being present HERE
I forgive myself that I believe time is important thus it runs my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in time staying in the idea of there is not enough of it. Thus keeping me in a future projecting of “getting things done” and seeing me in the future of I will be glad when this is done instead of being present HERE As Me in the Moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live the present as an outcome of a future.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to define and believe that my life is defined to what I have accomplished
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself if I feel I have not accomplished something during the day and evaluate myself on what I have accomplished during the day as being good or bad thus living as an idea of polarity as good or bad day.
Ah, this is interesting because I see that I have used alcohol to give me the excuse to be HERE, as when I drank I would relax and not judge myself, so the alcohol was used to suppress the idea that I had about thinking I had to accomplish something…
I see now that ever since I stopped drinking I have become more active in the sense that I get a lot more done… thou I have made it as a “have to do it” out of self judgment… of this idea that life is lived to accomplish thus doing everything out of fear of judgement as the idea of accomplishment that now I would be “worth” something.
I am so glad I finally faced this. I was having body assistance with being short of breath and getting dizzy often that was causing fear. I kept saying okay the body is showing me something. I knew it was because I was not being present but I did not know what was directing that. Now I see it was the fear of not accomplishing enough was so great that I actually hold my breath often during the day out of self judgment! And I noticed that I actually felt physically better when I was drinking to relax, and so I investigated that to see that it is the idea of “time” and accomplishment.
And Matti’s post on organic body help also. To get present I need to remember to stretch and take time with the body, to enjoy the body instead of avoiding it so much.
Give yourself the present of being PRESENT – BREATH.