What “words” to use for Scholarship = $$

I have been working on writing a self-recommendation letter to apply for Grant money for college. It had been very interesting and a bit frustrating in the fact that I have to write a story that will captivate the readers who are going to decide if they will give me the money and not another!
At times I feel like fuck you I don’t want your money and a prostitute searching for the right words to say that will cause and orgasm in them to want to give me the money!
Grrr!
It was said that those who are not considered successful in the world are the ones that see the deception and abuse of money/profit over what is best for all the world.
And this is true in my case. It is not that I did not want to work because I have since age 13 and I actually enjoy working in unity with people. But what I don’t like are all the lies and abuse that we are expected to accept and allow and are called being successful!

So why am I doing this? I am hoping that I can make a difference. I am hoping I can use the system because it is just plainly the way we have allowed it to be - to change the system. With out money at this point we cannot be effective in any change. Though what we can do with what money we have is to make it stand as a voice to be heard. Meaning now I am working or “asking” for money to support me as a person who can stand up and say no more to this system as it is not supporting what is best for all.
Now this money is “worth” something. Lets bring about Heaven on earth. Not profit. As profit only means you have/want more than another.

Getting evolved with Politics

Why I am getting evolved with Politics

I hated politics; I did not like all the corruption that goes along with it. I felt my vote did not count anyway because the rich always got what they wanted as they use their money to manipulate and spread propaganda to serve the needs of the ones with money and conned most people to just be their slaves as a working force for there own power agendas.

So I keep to friends and myself and got conned into the entertainment propaganda. I did my work to make the money I needed then all else was entertainment. Things to keep me occupied so I would not freak out on things I thought I could not change anyway.

By entertainment I mean things like TV - which is always telling and selling you things they say you need to be happy – cloths, white teeth, perfect hair, how to look like a model, tons of things to look hot so you get that perfect lover that means “you made it – this is what gods wants” so now you should be happy. Other entertainments are sports and the big deal they make out of it with TV world wide coverage… - drinking, partying. All of this takes our thoughts way from the abuse that is really going on in the world and in our back yard.

I am sure as a little kid that you noticed abuse of some kind, and the answer I got when I asked why - was because that is the way it is… Well what can a kid do about an answer like that - but to accept that abuse exists and try and get a happy life for yourself? So then our whole life is spent trying to do all the things society, TV (Rich owns rights to what is shown) tells us to do for approval from God or family or to “Fit in” and what ever else we look to for approval.

I just wanted to fit in “somewhere” I wanted to hang around people that were anesthetizing themselves through all the avenues of entertainment because it looked like fun. I thought it Was Fun. Then I didn’t have to look at the abuse of human nature, I just had to keep myself entertained. And there is a part of me that still wants to do that. I want to be “happy” I can’t be happy if I look to what is going on within the world. This is the dishonesty in our nature, so look out for number one.

So I then went to all kinds of spiritual searching. I spent years with law of attraction and meditation and wanting to become pious. I could go into this forever about all the ways one is to look somewhere else instead of what is HERE.

The way I see it now is there are prophecies of a New Age of things better to come. I never considered that this new age was to come from US! I thought that is was just magically going to happen so I was holding on waiting wondering when it was going to come – trying to stay cool with myself until it happened, then we would all be saved from all our suffering and lack and having to work – yea!

Then I realized that “how is this going to happen”… Oh my God it is US that have to make it happen! There is not just going to be “here we are now” and in some moment it will all be over and the new age is here. WE need us to become the NEW AGE. The “oh my God” 222

The bottom line is there is nowhere else but Here. Here is the reflection of a source that some call God. All the other stuff of salvation and someone to do it for you is in the mind - A formless though that has nothing to do with Here. The mind is an escape of what is true.

Believe me, I can find many reasons not to do this, all for self interest when I honesty investigated. Lazy is one of them, wanting to full fill myself with my own interest - thinking I was doing Gods will by doing WHAT I WANTED. All this has been how we have been programmed to allow abuse to still exist. Don’t do anything about it; let it go on and worry about your own salvation.

If We want the New Age to come we have to Live and be the New Age. And that is where we start to become it by living it, speaking out for it and not accepting and allowing abuse anymore. We will keep coming back to HERE… what HERE do you want to come back to? You cannot come to the new HERE until we ourselves have changed. And one way we can start is by not allowing separation anymore, and stand up for a dignified life for All, including animals.

Time and Accomplishment

Noticing the “I want to do” this and not that…

And when I am doing something I don’t want to do I create stress and the body is letting me know it.

It is another form of separation and not being HERE, not being as breath in the moment. I have been using time as an excuse to get into stress, as I am always judging what I am doing against the time I “think” I have. I am making a big deal with time thinking it is real and letting the idea of time direct me, instead of being Present Here with what ever I am doing. I am missing the moment by believing in time.

I forgive myself that I look at the clock to decided how I will run my day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by my idea of time.

I forgive myself that instead of being HERE – Presant in the moment I am always thinking ahead of what I want to do or needs to be done, thus Not HERE NOW.

I forgive myself that I have judged myself because of my believe of “time”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by the thought of I don’t have enough time to do this or that and then I get into stress and self judgement.

I forgive myself that I have been living a life directed by the idea of time thus rushing or judging myself as not enough time.

I forgive myself that I have believed that I am TIME. Meaning there is a beginning and an end thus judging myself according to that.

I forgive myself that I list all the things I have to do and put in into a “time table” and run my life from the time table instead of being present HERE

I forgive myself that I believe time is important thus it runs my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in time staying in the idea of there is not enough of it. Thus keeping me in a future projecting of “getting things done” and seeing me in the future of I will be glad when this is done instead of being present HERE As Me in the Moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live the present as an outcome of a future.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to define and believe that my life is defined to what I have accomplished

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself if I feel I have not accomplished something during the day and evaluate myself on what I have accomplished during the day as being good or bad thus living as an idea of polarity as good or bad day.

Ah, this is interesting because I see that I have used alcohol to give me the excuse to be HERE, as when I drank I would relax and not judge myself, so the alcohol was used to suppress the idea that I had about thinking I had to accomplish something…

I see now that ever since I stopped drinking I have become more active in the sense that I get a lot more done… thou I have made it as a “have to do it” out of self judgment… of this idea that life is lived to accomplish thus doing everything out of fear of judgement as the idea of accomplishment that now I would be “worth” something.

Breath

I am so glad I finally faced this. I was having body assistance with being short of breath and getting dizzy often that was causing fear. I kept saying okay the body is showing me something. I knew it was because I was not being present but I did not know what was directing that. Now I see it was the fear of not accomplishing enough was so great that I actually hold my breath often during the day out of self judgment! And I noticed that I actually felt physically better when I was drinking to relax, and so I investigated that to see that it is the idea of “time” and accomplishment.

And Matti’s post on organic body help also. To get present I need to remember to stretch and take time with the body, to enjoy the body instead of avoiding it so much.

Give yourself the present of being PRESENT – BREATH.