I forgive myself for being angry at MYSELF.

I see that I have been having back chat anger at others and myself. Though I did not see it as anger until this afternoon as I just sat in bed feeling defeated by everything. I was in despair and then I saw that I had not forgiven myself for being angry at me.
All the projections of anger at others and the world – the way it is as unjust and unfair I have had my whole life. But I am seeing that it is me that has to change these accepted and allowed believe within myself. The true anger is at Me. The anger that I believed I am not good enough in the eyes of others where I will have back chat constantly arguing with people in my mind! Mostly defending myself for some opinion/point of view, or many different things.
I have not forgiven myself that I am a fuck up- that I am part of this mess. I actually think that I should be more superior than others and this is the secret anger I have at myself- that I am really not superior to anything! Lol So I have been secretly tying to find a way to be superior in my mind. The mind looking at ways to think to make me special. Then I know I am doing this and then I go into self pity at my lack of standing up to this- when what it really is – is that I have not forgive myself for being angry at ME. At judging me, at comparing ME. To something I perceive that I should be greater to or equal to something I perceive as superior
I FORGIVE MYSELF!- I am not perfect- I forgive myself for thinking that I have to be that- even to the point of thinking I should not think that! Lol fuck man.
Forgiving myself on believes I thought I had to be. I am doing this first without the statement that I have accepted and allowed because I am still blaming me because I am accepting and allowing it. So I am just going to forgive myself for not being what I thought I should be.
I forgive myself for not being perfect
I forgive myself for being mediocre
I forgive myself for not being beautiful and handsome looking
I forgive myself that I am addicted to energy thoughts of good and bad
I forgive myself that I am not standing up to the mind
I forgive myself that I am not perfect and I forgive myself that I think I want to be perfect thus causing me great misery.
I forgive myself that I am accepted and allowing myself to think I need to be better than others
I forgive myself that I think that there is some kind of spiritual reward for being better than others in thought.
I forgive myself for being angry at Me for not being perfect.
I AM DONE With this Self Anger!
Within the anger I go into self pity that I am not doing “it” right.
Doing what right?
Fucking everything.
Lol
I forgive myself for wanting to be a super human.
I forgive myself for comparing and judging myself to an idea of a super human.
These are all the thing I have “admired” in another and believed “qualities” I did not have.
Thus constant comparison to others as how I “should” be.
Thus never living HERE in and as the Physical- but always in judgment in my mind.
I forgive myself for wanting to be better than others
I let go of ALL these judgments against myself and others.
I am tired of wanting to be right and better and not living with ME.
I am tired of always thinking I need to fulfill some imaginary dream of better as constant self judgment.
I am tired of judging myself for not doing something good enough thus causing fear to do that thing.
I want to enjoy the process of ME I want to trust. I want to Live.
I want to stop looking to others to tell me what to do in fear that I need others to tell me what to do. In fear that I am not alive – not here. Not good enough to know what to do.
I want to trust ME- I want to Love Me without comparison. In loving me I mean Love Life as We are the vehicle of Life. I want to Love Life as I would wish to be loved. Love thy neighbor as Life- Animals, planet, people.
I forgive myself that I am angry at me- I forgive myself in humbleness of the belief of better than

I am the Abuser..

I am the Abuser..

When reading Bernards post- I became stunned! I could not move for a bit. It shocked me into “seeing”.
I thought the physical was something to endure. I thought that there maybe some kind of reward or SOMETHING for having to put up with physical existence. I even felt a lot that the physical is a punishment for something I did. It just didn’t make sense that there was so much suffering here.
Little did I know that the Physical is the ONLY PLACE or way to Express who we are. Without a physical form of some type there would be no way to see ourselves.
I thought that the physical was doing things TO ME- that I was a victim of the physical. I was at its mercy so to speak. The Physical is US in Expression! How can you show love to something that is not there? You can “think” love… but you can not show it without the physical. How can you be kind to yourself and others without the Physical. Thus the Physical IS GOD in ACTION. And there is no invisible heaven except in our Mind/thoughts, which equals Not REAL.
I see “waiting” for life to get better by a savior is just that =waiting for something only I CAN CHANGE. And I do believe this is what the real teachings were trying to say before they became corrupted.
So I see now that I have been abusing the Physical. I have not taken regard for it at all. That means I have not taken regard for my body, but abusing it by aways wanting it to be something else. I have abused others by always wanting them to be something else for me, to serve me in my selfish importance. And then I blamed the Physical for not getting what I wanted, when I was the very one that caused the abuse by my own selfish desires. So thus now the Physical is giving us what we wanted really.. It is our Expression of greed, abuse, self interest, showing us that we are not doing to other what we want done to us. We want others to do what we don’t do ourselves…
Time to stop our selfish Expressions as we are only destroying ourselfs as the Physical this way. Time to stop abusing ourselves and others for selfish gains, there will never be peace on Earth until we create it within ourselves. This is the meaning of Heaven on Earth. I say this to me as I have been this abuser not seeing that the Physical was/is just showing me to me.