I forgive myself for being angry at MYSELF.

I see that I have been having back chat anger at others and myself. Though I did not see it as anger until this afternoon as I just sat in bed feeling defeated by everything. I was in despair and then I saw that I had not forgiven myself for being angry at me.
All the projections of anger at others and the world – the way it is as unjust and unfair I have had my whole life. But I am seeing that it is me that has to change these accepted and allowed believe within myself. The true anger is at Me. The anger that I believed I am not good enough in the eyes of others where I will have back chat constantly arguing with people in my mind! Mostly defending myself for some opinion/point of view, or many different things.
I have not forgiven myself that I am a fuck up- that I am part of this mess. I actually think that I should be more superior than others and this is the secret anger I have at myself- that I am really not superior to anything! Lol So I have been secretly tying to find a way to be superior in my mind. The mind looking at ways to think to make me special. Then I know I am doing this and then I go into self pity at my lack of standing up to this- when what it really is – is that I have not forgive myself for being angry at ME. At judging me, at comparing ME. To something I perceive that I should be greater to or equal to something I perceive as superior
I FORGIVE MYSELF!- I am not perfect- I forgive myself for thinking that I have to be that- even to the point of thinking I should not think that! Lol fuck man.
Forgiving myself on believes I thought I had to be. I am doing this first without the statement that I have accepted and allowed because I am still blaming me because I am accepting and allowing it. So I am just going to forgive myself for not being what I thought I should be.
I forgive myself for not being perfect
I forgive myself for being mediocre
I forgive myself for not being beautiful and handsome looking
I forgive myself that I am addicted to energy thoughts of good and bad
I forgive myself that I am not standing up to the mind
I forgive myself that I am not perfect and I forgive myself that I think I want to be perfect thus causing me great misery.
I forgive myself that I am accepted and allowing myself to think I need to be better than others
I forgive myself that I think that there is some kind of spiritual reward for being better than others in thought.
I forgive myself for being angry at Me for not being perfect.
I AM DONE With this Self Anger!
Within the anger I go into self pity that I am not doing “it” right.
Doing what right?
Fucking everything.
Lol
I forgive myself for wanting to be a super human.
I forgive myself for comparing and judging myself to an idea of a super human.
These are all the thing I have “admired” in another and believed “qualities” I did not have.
Thus constant comparison to others as how I “should” be.
Thus never living HERE in and as the Physical- but always in judgment in my mind.
I forgive myself for wanting to be better than others
I let go of ALL these judgments against myself and others.
I am tired of wanting to be right and better and not living with ME.
I am tired of always thinking I need to fulfill some imaginary dream of better as constant self judgment.
I am tired of judging myself for not doing something good enough thus causing fear to do that thing.
I want to enjoy the process of ME I want to trust. I want to Live.
I want to stop looking to others to tell me what to do in fear that I need others to tell me what to do. In fear that I am not alive – not here. Not good enough to know what to do.
I want to trust ME- I want to Love Me without comparison. In loving me I mean Love Life as We are the vehicle of Life. I want to Love Life as I would wish to be loved. Love thy neighbor as Life- Animals, planet, people.
I forgive myself that I am angry at me- I forgive myself in humbleness of the belief of better than