The Teacher made me do it!

I noticed self-backchat today as I saw a show where someone was promoted in a group. The thought came that there were a few times when I could have been promoted, but wasn’t. I see now that I had been suppressing the feelings I had when that happened.  . - But now, TODAY I saw a flash of  high school - when the gym teacher thought I had skipped class and she was going to make me a leader in gym- and she was disappointed because she thought I was a bad kid- skipping school! I was devastated because she did not believe that I went home sick and she dismissed the qualities that I had to be gym leader. So now I saw that I hold this image in my mind of people not seeing the qualities that I have. And I have become a victim to this silent back chat- in that a part of me wants people to see my worthiness, approve of me and the other part says why bother that teacher thought I was lying… and so will others. So fuck - I have been “vibrating” this resonantly. The vibration as a blame of others in that they do not see what I am capable of  and my value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a belief from a teacher to upset me and allow me to use her belief in me as a reason to not do the best I can.

I am seeing that I feel - my best wont be good enough so why bother. As I work within the Desteni I Process where we are taking our mind constructs apart I notice that I can more and more see my limiting silent back chats. They are becoming visible.

I saw also that this is a reason it has been hard for me to write. I was “thinking” I will be seen as not doing it right and so I fear what to should write about, how I should say it. I was going into lots of mind excuses that end up making me just want to give up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keeping living the fear and let down that I experienced all those years ago in high school.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a teachers opinion of me to affect me as not good or worthy enough and cause fear of acceptance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the idea of doing it right.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of doing it right to affect my life and how I live it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am not a person of worth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself judge myself as not worthy or able.

I forgive myself for letting these thoughts stop me from being all I can be, thus living a life in fear of what others think. 

This is cool, because I have been pushing myself regardless, and because of the pushing and standing even though difficult at times - I have discovered a part of this resonance thought pattern that I can now work with and delete.

I now stop this idea of people wont see my “worth” so why bother

It is a limiting mind program that I DO NOT ACCEPT AND ALLOW AND LONGER

I Now Move Forward in Life - And I take charge

You Can Change at age 57!