Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Sneaky Fear Enslavement

Hi all,
SF=Self Forgiveness
SH= Self Honesty

Since being with Desteni , I started Nov 2, Gee almost 4 months!

I have noticed "things" just do not slip by anymore. By that I mean, I question most everything I am thinking when I can catch myself thinking! LOL. I have changed, I quit drinking as I used to do it for entertainment and out of boredom. I am never bored but I do get tired of what sometimes feels like battles with the mind to get it to shut up. I will take a break then, watch some TV or movies or work around the house.
I got fired from my job a month ago, and I am waiting to see if I get Unemployment. I know it is going to be okay either way, if I get it or not. But fucking mind is loving this one! That fear to take the necessary action. So I will do SF on this one. Haha I am noticing the more you do SF the more there is! But I am just a baby at this. Almost every day for a moment I want to quit and go back to ignorance... But what come to mind is the scene in theMatrix where Neo is in the car with them and they say..Neo you already know where that road leads! I can never go back, I rather take the unknown road than given in to the the world of the mind systems. I just want to not give into this fear of having no money! Gee this is a deep one because it is needed for our very survival in the physical. Yet it is such a system fuck! Well anyway I just wanted to share.
Thanks all for being here

PS: before I was going to post the above ...>>
I had a good discussion today. It was about self moving self...And I see now that is really the only problem I am having about the money issue! I procrastinate about doing things, thus creating fear instead of taking action. I have lots of opportunity and ways I can support myself, but instead to take action , I sit and worry about it. yuck! I am tired of this mind fuck.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to indulge in worry instead of just taking action.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to listen to the mind as in taking me out of the moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to indulge in the mind instead of being here with the breath
I forgive myself that I have been doing this most of my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the mind put me all over the place to escape what is to be done in the moment. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my mind to engage in worry and thus not living life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the mind to tell me there is a better time to do something..like wait untill you are inpisred so it will be fun. But then the doing only then comes out of necessity
and relief because I finally did it. And I get only a moment of relief until the next struggle.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this is just "who I am" and I did not see it as another trick of the mind to keep me enslaved to fear and worry
I forgive myself that I have such a hard time to push though this..
I forgive myself that I accept that I have a hard time with this
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this is hard to do.

I really want the mind to go away and let me live life with out fear and worry.... I am not the mind!
I am not the mind! I am not the mind. The mind is not who I am.
I now take action and move self for self.

Okay, that was cool!
Enjoy!

1 comment:

toxni said...

Thanks for sharing Adele.

I am finding it difficult to keep up with my own expectations of how much application I should be doing.

I give up and then think I am free and then I read some more and think I am free from freedom and fucked.

Nice to know someone else is human.